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I've been with my girlfriend for about 6 years. We have had our ups and our downs but it's always remained pretty good. Recently I caught her in a pretty big lie. It wasn't cheating or anything along those lines, just something that she felt might have caused me to want to break things off with her.
Here's my question, is the saying "once a liar always a liar" true? She promised to just be completely honest with me from now on. But, I'm the type of guy who definitely has a hard time trusting someone after they have lied to me once before. Should I try to trust her?
ericc191 said:
I've been with my girlfriend for about 6 years. We have had our ups and our downs but it's always remained pretty good. Recently I caught her in a pretty big lie. It wasn't cheating or anything along those lines, just something that she felt might have caused me to want to break things off with her.
Here's my question, is the saying "once a liar always a liar" true? She promised to just be completely honest with me from now on. But, I'm the type of guy who definitely has a hard time trusting someone after they have lied to me once before. Should I try to trust her?
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Well, thing is: you should try and rebuild the trust if you have feelings for her even after that...she cares for your relationship enough to lie, then try and forgive her.
</amateur-shrink>
Merlin_reloaded said:
she cares for your relationship enough to lie, then try and forgive her.
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Well said...
one more chance max... if it's an issue, then it will show up sooner than u think...
well for me, it really depends on the nature of the issue (lie)
if it was for good intentions, i'd say try again....
tell her that if before that lie your trust used to be at 100 on a scale of 0-100.
but now its at 95 and she killed those 5 marks permanently.
No Trust
Once trust is broken it's very very hard to repair......there will be a little thing in your mind always and forever at that moment when trust was broken ....think about it.....girls are very different about lies.....I'm 36 I know what I'm talking about.....All I'm saying is that be very very careful....The fear of lies is never ending once broken....confusing whats real.....
Peace
Mike
mike19722 said:
Once trust is broken it's very very hard to repair......there will be a little thing in your mind always and forever at that moment when trust was broken ....think about it.....girls are very different about lies.....I'm 36 I know what I'm talking about.....All I'm saying is that be very very careful....The fear of lies is never ending once broken....confusing whats real.....
Peace
Mike
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Yeah, I'm worried I'll find myself questioning a lot of things she does in my mind. But, I do love her. We plan on getting married and all that. I'm gonna go with the advice of telling her that there will now always be a little part of me will question whether or not she's being honest.
True Love is unconditional (unless unfaithfulness is there) we all do stupid things and im sure you have as well. If you really love her then love her now more than you ever have. alot of times we look at the end result (lying or what ever) instead of the underlying causes. Perhaps you could love her so much that she would have no reason to ever lie again?
and thats my Dr Phil for teh day
Tregrad said:
True Love is unconditional (unless unfaithfulness is there) we all do stupid things and im sure you have as well. If you really love her then love her now more than you ever have. alot of times we look at the end result (lying or what ever) instead of the underlying causes. Perhaps you could love her so much that she would have no reason to ever lie again?
and thats my Dr Phil for teh day
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Totally agree with it !!!
Thats what all about true relationship is,trust yourself to trust her !
Have a nice day
trust rebuilding strategy
I'd suggest a professional, since their paid to be objective. If you have medical coverage, this is a good time to use it, since your health is a good part dependent on the state of your love life (seriously).
Have a plan (devising one is where the third party comes in), or maybe a set of procedures (I know it sounds odd, but it's sort of an if-then, if you do this, then I do this....). If you guys can stick to the plan, then after some time the trust will be rebuilt.
If the lie had to do with money or shared tasks (like cleaning house, car maintenance), the issue is more important than it might seem right now. From what I've seen of stats, divorced people blame these things for thier breakups. IMHO, I think it gets down to the same things that help people keep thier jobs: percieved personal investment. You need to feel more important to your girlfiend than whatever it was she lied to you about, no?
If you value the relationship that much, then you need to value how you feel about the relationship. To value something means to *do* something about it. The relationship has shifted, so behaviors need to shift, too.
The short of it: don't let this fester. Forgiveness is good. The best. Things worth havng are seldom easy to get.
My American $ 0.02... worth less and less everyday....
You really Can't Trust Anyone who lies. Since Everyone lies. You really cannot trust Anyone.
Listen home scratch...
The trust issue is more about you than it is about her. Trust me. I went through the same thing that your going through now. If you are an optimistic person you might be fine, but if you are negative in nature you might think that she will mess up like that again. Then you will drive yourself nuts trying to catch her in a lie. The first thing and most important thing you have to do is ask yourself, 'Do I think I can ever trust her completely again'. If you have doubts, that means your relationship is in serious trouble. If you are completely confident, you will be fine. Don't over analyze why she lied. You will only end up with more questions than answers. People lie for different reasons, and you wont ever really know because your not in her head. So let it go and good luck with whatever you decide.
P.s. Never come online to ask advice about a relationship. I know you meant well. However, what I've learned is people sometimes give advice from a mindset of resentment. Thus, If someone has had a bad day, they might give you terrible advice.
I am not wanting to seem uncaring towards you or dismissing the problem and saying everything will be fine, but for gods sake get over it , so she lied , have you never lied to anybody before? I am sure you have, as people have said, it is down to insecurities in yourself , i mean the fact you are asking online if you should trust her, is basically saying you can't even make the decision yourself. I have had this myself , but from the other side of things, as in it was my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years not trusting me over lots of things, questioning me about everything, even though i wasnt lying to her. You will end up pushing her away, because she will be holding lots of silly things back, simply because it will mean you will be questioning her over it if she mentions it. Which will cause more distrust and arguments.
So my advice is simply to let it go or it will eat away at your relationship forever.
Anyway off topic, can anyone help fix my wallaby with 1% GSM Error :lol: (joke)
Something like that happened to me. She lied, but, yeah, at the end of the day, I love her and she loves me. Story ends.
Give her a chance. Love her. Be a man. Stand beside her. Make her feel comfortable that she doesnt lie to you anymore
Thanks for all the replies. I've already let it go but I just wanted to see what other people would do if it happened to them. It's good to know that majority of people here would see it as "She loves me so much she lied in order to spare feelings" and love their spouse even more. I like this view and decided to go with it..
Has anyone ever read it fully understood yet not be religious in anyway
jayjay8585 said:
Has anyone ever read it fully understood yet not be religious in anyway
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yep pretty much but it is pretty hard to apply in real life! I would like to know someone that was not on Oprah and had successfully applied those 'teachings' in real life.
The events shown in the bible hasn't even been proven, there are no hard evidents that those "events" even occurred through history.
re
I believe in a lot of things told and taught in the Bible but I also believe that there has been a lot of things added that are not true. Also I wish that It had never been changed so we could actually know the truth from when it was written.... I am not sure why there is always a new version or new testament. Also have you guys seen Zeitgiest? Although I disagree with some points it does raise some good points which are logical.
Also there is an EXCELLENT book called "Christiannity: A journey from fact to fiction" which you can read for free online.
Consider this the only warning for this thread. If it gets even slightly out of hand or inflammatory Bans will be given and the thread will be locked.
Otherwise have a nice discussion.
www.zeitgeistmovie.com
The bible is largely a book of stories and moral guidance, it's not intended to be taken literally, and if you try, then you have to face the fact that it doesn't match up to recorded history and the scientific laws of the universe.
u can understand it if u have the traditional version.. cuz its very hard with the king james version.. but i think its about wat happened and wat will happen.. ps i didnt try to be religious
I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and had to read the bible front to back many times when I was a teenager (I have read 3 different bibles front to back; KJV, NWT, ASV). I would call myself agnostic and can enjoy some of the NT on a sole spiritual level, I like the whole concept of unconditional love. I however don't agree with some of the epistle such as Timothy because of their very sexist view of women.
Check out John Shelby Spong he is one of my favorite theologians. He has a very interesting concept on Christianity.
JimmyMcGee said:
Consider this the only warning for this thread. If it gets even slightly out of hand or inflammatory Bans will be given and the thread will be locked.
Otherwise have a nice discussion.
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boy, you sure know how to take all the fun out of a religious debate! chairs flying, fists swinging, and mouths running off so bad Vince Vaughn would have to put on earmuffs (Old School), that's the only way I know how.
datacrime said:
I believe in a lot of things told and taught in the Bible but I also believe that there has been a lot of things added that are not true. Also I wish that It had never been changed so we could actually know the truth from when it was written.... I am not sure why there is always a new version or new testament. Also have you guys seen Zeitgiest? Although I disagree with some points it does raise some good points which are logical.
Also there is an EXCELLENT book called "Christiannity: A journey from fact to fiction" which you can read for free online.
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that is the excuse given (band-aid applied) to the increasingly ancient book known as the bible. The more modern civilization gets, the more we realize the bible's author wasn't god. It's quite understandable anyway, if I tried to write a bible of my own now, it would reflect all of the prevailing beliefs and scientific data of today. Fast forward two thousand years, say, about half of the things i wrote would make no sense in light of new discovery, and the other half could potentially be taken literally. Believers in my book, in order to maintain the infallibly of it, would be forced to say that the incorrect/incoherent parts were added on afterwards by mischievous hoodlums. It's similar to Orwell's 1984, where the truth is not based on some objective facts (i.e. history or the bible) but rather it is subjectively decided and controlled by those in power (Party members or priests).
Anyway, I hope I not offended anyone (so I don't get banned), although normally, I am not quite this tame (I place much credence in the first chapter of Dawkins' "The God Delusion," please read).
I think the problem is that Jay asked a bit of a loaded question right out of the gate. The bible is different things to different people. The way I understand isn't the way a atheist understands it, isn't the way a Christian understands it etc..etc.
The better question is do you mean "understand" in a purely scholarly way?
morning burgertime
i meant has anyone read the bible and fully understood it, while no being religious. ie are you athiest and read the bible im just curious as to how many havent read the bible
like the guy two messages ago says the more modern civilisation get you realise the author wasnt god
i think we all knew that as moses and all others wrote it and centurys have edited it, all i wsas asking is have any none religious bible read and understood the bible
im reading kjv and understand it fine
i wasnt wanting a debate as such just a curiosity and a guess at how many non beleivers blast bible ethics and religion but have never read them in person
Oh ok, in that case then yes. I prefer either the ASV or the NIV for ease of reading.
answer to question is: yes.
i am extremely well versed in the bible (straight from the original hebrew text, and also quite knowledgeable is ancient jewish bible commentators), and no, i don't believe a word of it. i do not know much about the new testament however.
I've tried reading the bible... No better way to fall asleep. I felt like I was reading a dictionary, no interest or belief whatsoever. Not meant to offend anyone, but I really could never see myself reading it front to back knowing I would never use any of it.
kingabraham3 said:
answer to question is: yes.
i am extremely well versed in the bible (straight from the original hebrew text, and also quite knowledgeable is ancient jewish bible commentators), and no, i don't believe a word of it. i do not know much about the new testament however.
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Have you ever heard the theories about the story of Jonah being a way for the old testament to seagway into the new testament? That sort of stuff fascinates me, how they had to explain away the difference in the God of the OT and the God of the NT.
Understanding is God Given
This is an interesting debate. I have read the Bible several times and understand more each time I read it. The Bible teaches that understanding comes from God which some might see as a cop out but I truly understand much more now as a Christian than I did before. I pray for understanding before and after I read and no matter how many times I re-read a portion, I almost always see more. As for the Bible being either fictional or unprovable, this is a narrow view put out mostly by those who have done little true investigation. There are many respected scientists and historians who do not doubt the legitimacy of what the Bible says. For examples, Google "Answers in Genesis".
I think the bottom line is that "faith" is a belief in something for which we don't necessarily have complete proof. In the case of Christianity, it's also a belief in the supernatural, a thing that many non-Christians have no problem with (astrology, tarot cards etc.). At the end of the day, if what I believe is wrong, it makes no difference, if it's true......
Honestly, I envy those who can be religious... It seems like it would be a good feeling, that someone's watching over you, that things happen for a reason, and that through the tough times there's more out there. I think it's great that it brings communities together to churches for not only masses, but I've seen many churches act like more of a community center than anything. Unfortunately, I don't know if it's in the way my mind works or the way I was raised, I just can't seem to hold onto 1 religion as being true... I just go my own way, I'm not sure if I believe there's a God out there, but I feel if there is he must be gracious enough to understand my confusion. As stupid as it sounds, I still pray, and I hope someday I can find the religion that really leads to my true beliefs... I just haven't pieced it together yet.
www.zeitgeistmovie.com
Understanding and the Bible
Hi all,
I am a committed Christian so I can't fully answer the question. However, my journey to faith did begin with the Bible. At the age of 13 I was made to read the Bible, specifically the sermon on the mount and Jesus' teaching in the Gospels, by a particularly keen "Scripture" teacher. While I didn't really "understand" what I was reading, when I read it something in me just clicked. It was like I had always known it was true. Strange I know. I decided that I believed in it and from there went on to become and call myself a Christian, found a church, etc. I am now 30 and still believe. I recently went to a church in Medford, Oregon where they have been having a healing revival. I saw several pretty undeniable miracles (short arms and legs growing, bones changing shape, etc.) with my own eyes. That doesn't say anything about the Bible I know but I think it demonstrates that there is a fundamental difference between understanding and belief. Many of the significant experiences I have had both reading the Bible and through my practice of the Christian faith fly in the face of my understanding.
On a more down to earth level, I think that much of what is written in the Bible only makes sense if you have a foundational belief anyway. When Jesus talked about the plank in people's eye (Matthew 7:3), he was talking about their sin against God, which is largely invisible here on Earth. If you take God out of the picture, what does the plank represent?
8 year old boy confess to murder
This almost makes me sick to my stomach. Watching the videos that are linked are even worse. The police did not read him his rights or even attempt to allow a guardian or parent to be involved. He said from the beginning that he found his Dad and friend dead when he came home from school and then half way through after an interrogation changed his story to admitting he killed them. Now who knows maybe the kid did shoot his Dad and friend but it sounds to me like these cops are willing to do anything and sink to a new low in Criminal justice.
Many morons there, i assume...
First of all...were you there....do you know all of the facts of the case....do you know if they had a magistrate's warning for the child....do you know anything about procedures, laws, case law or are you just spewing from your mouth. What makes me upset....is that people jump to conclusions without knowing all of the facts...as you can tell by my name I am a cop...a detective in fact....so I am familiar with procedures...and I am sure that the detectives that worked this case, were by the book...if they werent guess what the court will let them know....
Man, How do you know they are showing you the WHOLE tape? I don't think even the Newest Cop would interrogate a child with out following the proper procedure. That would be like me flashing an Incorrect Radio to my phone and asking why I don't have Sound. I'm experienced. I know what I need to do.
I think your anger is misplaced. I think you are appalled that an eight year old could be capable of such an act. But however, they are. So don't be mad at the cops. They are just the messenger.
Being from a city that has seen 4 cops murdered within 6 months, I take extreme offense to the accusations being thrown around here.
Since you weren't the person who recorded the video, then how can you assume you are viewing it in it's entirety? Scum comes in all forms/ages, and I for one, believe the kid is a murderer.
there' are good cops and bad cops!
just cus he/she is a cop, that doesnt automatically makes him/her a good person!
blind belief in authority causes great crimes... allways... thats a lesson from history.. and these cops didnt follow procedure according to the article!
i think when looking at the american justice system its EXTREMELY plausible that these cops just told this 8 year old he was the purpitrator....
avathar behemoth said:
blind belief in authority causes great crimes... allways... thats a lesson from history.. and these cops didnt follow procedure according to the article!
i think when looking at the american justice system its EXTREMELY plausible that these cops just told this 8 year old he was the purpitrator....
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Did I say I had blind belief?
No I said, Don't make sweeping accusations without all the information. And honestly, the American Media is not a good source for information. It's "infotainment"
JimmyMcGee said:
Man, How do you know they are showing you the WHOLE tape? I don't think even the Newest Cop would interrogate a child with out following the proper procedure. That would be like me flashing an Incorrect Radio to my phone and asking why I don't have Sound. I'm experienced. I know what I need to do.
I think your anger is misplaced. I think you are appalled that an eight year old could be capable of such an act. But however, they are. So don't be mad at the cops. They are just the messenger.
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if they are not showing the WHOLE tape, are they hiding something?
slawcop` said:
First of all...were you there....do you know all of the facts of the case....do you know if they had a magistrate's warning for the child....do you know anything about procedures, laws, case law or are you just spewing from your mouth. What makes me upset....is that people jump to conclusions without knowing all of the facts...as you can tell by my name I am a cop...a detective in fact....so I am familiar with procedures...and I am sure that the detectives that worked this case, were by the book...if they werent guess what the court will let them know....
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First of all i would like to say thank you (Slawcop) for your post as i am a LEO in Mich. Crazy how people can just start running their mouths without even knowing what exactly is going on. The news/media just want people to see what they want them to see point blank! "We" as Police Officer see everything that goes on, we get ALL the FACTS/INFO! Maybe they should try to get into a Police Academy and see if they have what it take to become a Officer!!!!!
the boy was not read his rights bc he was assumed to be a victom...not accused of anything...then the story changed and so did the situation.
Ridiculous.
slawcop` said:
First of all...were you there....do you know all of the facts of the case....do you know if they had a magistrate's warning for the child....do you know anything about procedures, laws, case law or are you just spewing from your mouth. What makes me upset....is that people jump to conclusions without knowing all of the facts...as you can tell by my name I am a cop...a detective in fact....so I am familiar with procedures...and I am sure that the detectives that worked this case, were by the book...if they werent guess what the court will let them know....
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Firstly, isn't it your job to jump to conclusions without knowing all of the facts? You create a painting with select facts and then when you get a confession the rest is filled in. This is how a lot of crimes are solved...on good hunches. So I think I should be able to make a judgment on something in an open discussion forum.
Hmmm...perhaps I should have said These cops are ridiculous. My question to you is that if a major crime happened and you were under suspicion would you answer any questions asked? My belief would be that you would immediately get a lawyer and refuse to answer anything, this is because as a police officer you know that they try to use your words against you and confuse you into a confession....or talk you into it. This is fine for a capable adult who can make decisions. However using these tactics on a 8 year old is beyond detestable. These cops did not play it by the book. They did not read the Miranda rights, or try to find a gaurdian they simply lead this child into a confession and then charged him with murder. Again it's beside the point whether or not he did it, it's the low these cops sank too to get what they wanted. Not surprising with an adult, but with a child? Puh-lease.
Also just remember that the seal on the side of your car states "to protect and serve" and not "what are you looking at?". We have every right to question police action.
For the record I dated a CSI whose immediately family were all in the police force. So it's not like I "hate" cops or anything.
well said burgertime!
but isnt any and all evidence, including any confession, inadmissible in court?
isnt that why not the whole tape is released?
reminds me about the story about that cop in the oj trial (mark fuhrman wasnt it?) who let a (probably) guilty guy walk because he "contaminated" evidence, oh and because he was a racist who enjoyed beating up people of colour.......cops should behave better than normal citizens, but i think in many american police departments respectable behaviour is discouraged.
whytestme said:
First of all i would like to say thank you (Slawcop) for your post as i am a LEO in Mich. Crazy how people can just start running their mouths without even knowing what exactly is going on. The news/media just want people to see what they want them to see point blank! "We" as Police Officer see everything that goes on, we get ALL the FACTS/INFO! Maybe they should try to get into a Police Academy and see if they have what it take to become a Officer!!!!!
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Wouldnt that be nice is to have all citizens required to pull a stint in the military and or police force....I bet that would change some of these peoples opinions..
burgertime said:
Firstly, isn't it your job to jump to conclusions without knowing all of the facts? You create a painting with select facts and then when you get a confession the rest is filled in. This is how a lot of crimes are solved...on good hunches. So I think I should be able to make a judgment on something in an open discussion forum.
Hmmm...perhaps I should have said These cops are ridiculous. My question to you is that if a major crime happened and you were under suspicion would you answer any questions asked? My belief would be that you would immediately get a lawyer and refuse to answer anything, this is because as a police officer you know that they try to use your words against you and confuse you into a confession....or talk you into it. This is fine for a capable adult who can make decisions. However using these tactics on a 8 year old is beyond detestable. These cops did not play it by the book. They did not read the Miranda rights, or try to find a gaurdian they simply lead this child into a confession and then charged him with murder. Again it's beside the point whether or not he did it, it's the low these cops sank too to get what they wanted. Not surprising with an adult, but with a child? Puh-lease.
Also just remember that the seal on the side of your car states "to protect and serve" and not "what are you looking at?". We have every right to question police action.
For the record I dated a CSI whose immediately family were all in the police force. So it's not like I "hate" cops or anything.
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Ok…are you really that naïve? It is obvious that you are that uninformed about this case and obviously about what it takes to be a police officer. I don’t jump to any conclusions…I take fact and reasonable prudent means when investigating. I don’t “fill” anything in based off of hunch…..Hunches don’t solve crime..nor have they ever….facts and evidence charge a person with a crime……Probable Cause…charges someone, reasonable suspicion to stop someone, proof beyond a reasonable doubt to convict someone…..no where in there is there anything about hunches….I don’t convict anyone…judges and jury do…..I just present them with the facts of the case not hunches or hearsay, which you obviously listen to. If your going to make a judgment at least make an educated, sound judgment and don’t quote CNN.
You don’t know these cops are ridiculous. They might have made mistakes, but you quoting what CNN is saying it pretty uninformed on your part since you aren’t there. For you information and to answer your question..i have been accused and under suspicion for a crime before and yes I have and would answer questions. I wouldn’t get a lawyer because I have nothing to hide….I am not some unethical, untrustworthy, human being….I am a man who can and will admit when he messes up…See what is wrong with this world today is that everyone wants to blame everyone else for their problems instead of taking responsibility. Us as men are the main culprits…I am a MAN….I don’t need a lawyer nor are you offered one until you are charged….This is the way it works for all….What I really love about your statement is this, “this is because as a police officer you know that they try to use your words against you and confuse you into a confession....or talk you into it.” OMG….and I really hate using that…try to use your words against you…and confuse you into a confession or talk you into it…are you kidding me….that has to be a joke right…I am not even going to dignify that with a response. Grow up man, stop watching cop drama movies and listen to the news and educate yourself about the facts of not only the criminal justice system, but life in general.
“Again it's beside the point whether or not he did it, it's the low these cops sank too to get what they wanted. Not surprising with an adult, but with a child? Puh-lease.” I love this one too, it is beside the point….yeah two lives are lost and that is the point…remember that…if the cops screwed up then they screwed up…they “we” are human cut us some slack. If you think you can do it….come on with it.
I am very aware of what the side of a car says. I can even tell you what my oath is…so I don’t need some uninformed person telling me what my job is especially when you don’t know…”
Well I am glad you dated a CSI…that means absolutely nothing….and it completely irrelevant. The entire point in my response is that you don’t know anything about the case, but yet you are quick to call it….know the facts before you put your name as a “MAN” behind what your saying…
JimmyMcGee said:
Man, How do you know they are showing you the WHOLE tape? I don't think even the Newest Cop would interrogate a child with out following the proper procedure. That would be like me flashing an Incorrect Radio to my phone and asking why I don't have Sound. I'm experienced. I know what I need to do.
I think your anger is misplaced. I think you are appalled that an eight year old could be capable of such an act. But however, they are. So don't be mad at the cops. They are just the messenger.
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NotATreoFan said:
Being from a city that has seen 4 cops murdered within 6 months, I take extreme offense to the accusations being thrown around here.
Since you weren't the person who recorded the video, then how can you assume you are viewing it in it's entirety? Scum comes in all forms/ages, and I for one, believe the kid is a murderer.
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Well said both of you....
avathar behemoth said:
well said burgertime!
but isnt any and all evidence, including any confession, inadmissible in court?
isnt that why not the whole tape is released?
reminds me about the story about that cop in the oj trial (mark fuhrman wasnt it?) who let a (probably) guilty guy walk because he "contaminated" evidence, oh and because he was a racist who enjoyed beating up people of colour.......cops should behave better than normal citizens, but i think in many american police departments respectable behaviour is discouraged.
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Wow...you obvioulsy have alot of well known facts about America and its police force....
yes evidence would be inadmissble if it is obtained wrong....and yes that cop made a mistake, but he is human....he can do that...he is no longer a cop because he was a racist...i am sure you have the perfect police force where you are....
slawcop` said:
Ok…are you really that naïve? It is obvious that you are that uninformed about this case and obviously about what it takes to be a police officer. I don’t jump to any conclusions…I take fact and reasonable prudent means when investigating. I don’t “fill” anything in based off of hunch…..Hunches don’t solve crime..nor have they ever….facts and evidence charge a person with a crime……Probable Cause…charges someone, reasonable suspicion to stop someone, proof beyond a reasonable doubt to convict someone…..no where in there is there anything about hunches….I don’t convict anyone…judges and jury do…..I just present them with the facts of the case not hunches or hearsay, which you obviously listen to. If your going to make a judgment at least make an educated, sound judgment and don’t quote CNN.
You don’t know these cops are ridiculous. They might have made mistakes, but you quoting what CNN is saying it pretty uninformed on your part since you aren’t there. For you information and to answer your question..i have been accused and under suspicion for a crime before and yes I have and would answer questions. I wouldn’t get a lawyer because I have nothing to hide….I am not some unethical, untrustworthy, human being….I am a man who can and will admit when he messes up…See what is wrong with this world today is that everyone wants to blame everyone else for their problems instead of taking responsibility. Us as men are the main culprits…I am a MAN….I don’t need a lawyer nor are you offered one until you are charged….This is the way it works for all….What I really love about your statement is this, “this is because as a police officer you know that they try to use your words against you and confuse you into a confession....or talk you into it.” OMG….and I really hate using that…try to use your words against you…and confuse you into a confession or talk you into it…are you kidding me….that has to be a joke right…I am not even going to dignify that with a response. Grow up man, stop watching cop drama movies and listen to the news and educate yourself about the facts of not only the criminal justice system, but life in general.
“Again it's beside the point whether or not he did it, it's the low these cops sank too to get what they wanted. Not surprising with an adult, but with a child? Puh-lease.” I love this one too, it is beside the point….yeah two lives are lost and that is the point…remember that…if the cops screwed up then they screwed up…they “we” are human cut us some slack. If you think you can do it….come on with it.
I am very aware of what the side of a car says. I can even tell you what my oath is…so I don’t need some uninformed person telling me what my job is especially when you don’t know…”
Well I am glad you dated a CSI…that means absolutely nothing….and it completely irrelevant. The entire point in my response is that you don’t know anything about the case, but yet you are quick to call it….know the facts before you put your name as a “MAN” behind what your saying…
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Naive? Hardly. Uninformed on this case? I will concede to that....either way it is my opinion and evidently quite a few lawyers and former prosecutors agree. Just google this case and see.
Now on to your other points. If your a detective and were under suspicion of something as serious as murder and you would answer all questions with out a lawyer then your the one who is naive. I have served on a jury, and have a friend who is a public defender. I've seen first hand how the justice system works. Also my friend has told me plenty about how cops and detectives operate. Lets get one thing straight, I think those tactics are fair when it is two adults. If your stupid enough to admit to something then that is your fault and I applaud the cop who can get his man just using his guile....however this was a child and not an adult.
As an adult it should be easy to see that a detective who is interrogating me is tricking me, and I also know that "anything I say will be used AGAINST ME". It doesn't say in the Miranda rights anything can be used for me it says anything can be used against me. However your average child can't comprehend this. You know that and I know that. Guilty or not guilty has no bearing on this. It's the fact that these cops were willing to curt the legal system to prosecute a child.
Come on, I am not an idiot, your telling me that you have never just suspected someone based on circumstantial evidence? Then got that person to confess only using the circumstantial evidence? If not, your not doing job good enough. Cases are won and lost all the time on circumstantial evidence. This is evidence that is merely suspicion and not based on hard evidence.
I think the problem here is twofold:
First, people who are not Cops seem almost invariably to fall for the media hype that Cops aren't "real people" but some kind of group of brainwashed individuals who only care about getting a tick mark on their record for solving cases. This is simply NOT TRUE. Cops don't get paid extra for solving cases. They don't get rewards, awards, or any "kudos" other than maybe a slap on the back or a "good job" from their supervisors. They are people who hate the thought of a child victim or a child committing a crime as much as any other reasonable person in society. It is expounded upon over and over again in a Cop's career that it is as more important to make sure innocent persons don't go to jail than it is to catch a crook. It is simply unbelievable how many criminals I have seen that were not charged with the crime because there was an enormous amount of circumstantial evidence... But, maybe, not quite enough for a proof beyond a reasonable doubt.
Second, the media rarely shows the whole video of any Police involved incident because they want RATINGS and MONEY. I can't recall how many videos I have watched in training in which 48 hrs or a similar show chopped up an in car video and showed only the seemingly negative sections of the video just to create a national uproar about an incident. Then Cops get to watch the video years later (after the court case is over) with the edited parts included. Then you see the cop ask the suspect out of the vehicle six-eight times before the fight is on.
In my experience most Cops care the MOST about children. Children tend to be the most innocent and when they are victimized they are true victims in every sense of the word without any way remove themselves from the situation or defend themselves. Many Detectives REFUSE to work child crimes because they don't think they can personally/mentally handle seeing the abuse that occurs.
Allegations that some Cops would attempt to FRAME and 8 year old child both makes me sick at my stomach and makes me realize just how much people are willing to see another as an ogre rather than look for a reasonable/rational reason for the conduct.
True story : I picked up a load of colored painted lumber in Atlanta and dropped it off in Lancaster, pa. An Amish family that made high end custom play sets for rich folks and wow the stuff the could build seemed like some from a Harry Potter movie. We started talking about technology and they didn't desire to have a cellphone or any phone for that matter. They seemed so much at peace with just the basics in life. Clearly they live in a area with malls but still appreciated life in a simple form. Now its 2011 and most folks can't go a day without cellphone use, and have a piss fit if they cell is about to die while at the mall. We stand in long lines waiting for the new it phone then rush home to make an unboxing video as others tune to watch us in awe to remove the plastic off a device. We call up the carriers begging for an update to get a new device.. log in to sites like this and complain about the device and while asking developers to stop spending time with your family and hurry up on that root so i can do a whole bunch of nothing with my phone. I'm not saying cellphones are bad, if your wife ran out to pick up pizza and got a flat you definitely want her to have one in that situation. I'm talking bout being apart of the gimmick crowd...
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geeksquadryder said:
True story : I picked up a load of colored painted lumber in Atlanta and dropped it off in Lancaster, pa. An Amish family that made high end custom play sets for rich folks and wow the stuff the could build seemed like some from a Harry Potter movie. We started talking about technology and they didn't desire to have a cellphone or any phone for that matter. They seemed so much at peace with just the basics in life. Clearly they live in a area with malls but still appreciated life in a simple form. Now its 2011 and most folks can't go a day without cellphone use, and have a piss fit if they cell is about to die while at the mall. We stand in long lines waiting for the new it phone then rush home to make an unboxing video as others tune to watch us in awe to remove the plastic off a device. We call up the carriers begging for an update to get a new device.. log in to sites like this and complain about the device and while asking developers to stop spending time with your family and hurry up on that root so i can do a whole bunch of nothing with my phone. I'm not saying cellphones are bad, if your wife ran out to pick up pizza and got a flat you definitely want her to have one in that situation. I'm talking bout being apart of the gimmick crowd...
Sent from my PC36100 using XDA App
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I'm happy to be there. My firm belief is that technology will produce the paradise we all want. Unlike some conservative types, I don't adhere to the rule of suffering in life all the time. They think the only good person is one who is 24/7/365 suffering and doing without. We make technology to overcome the environment, not to continue to suffer in it. The only reason there is any form of suffering in the world is because technology hasn't developed to the point of addressing all of the needs. As long as a person holds onto their ethical and moral integrity, suffering is needless.
Don't like this idea. Some people always say that these are just devices that call and text, everything else is excess and we don't need it in our daily lives. Like we should be grateful we have them. But this is called progress. At one time, we didn't have cars or color tv or this latest gadget. And we have adjusted our lives accordingly so that they are essentials in day to day living. It's foolish to just live in the past or sit still, the world moves at a fast pace. If we didn't feel a need for more, innovation would just stop. They don't even call cell phones "cell phones" anymore, they call them mobiles because that's what they are. Mobile devices
Yes, I agree with you geeksquadryder. As we are forgetting what a real life is? We need mobiles for doing our daily work but some people getting mobiles for not satisfying must needs but for fun. We know how much impact these mobiles can have in our life in helping and ruining. So, its upto the head of the home to teach or drive his/her home to be happy with/without things of needed.
Our biggest mistake was coming down from the trees in the first place. Everything since then is just compounded error. Too late to go back now!
aFo3262 said:
Don't like this idea. Some people always say that these are just devices that call and text, everything else is excess and we don't need it in our daily lives. Like we should be grateful we have them. But this is called progress. At one time, we didn't have cars or color tv or this latest gadget. And we have adjusted our lives accordingly so that they are essentials in day to day living. It's foolish to just live in the past or sit still, the world moves at a fast pace. If we didn't feel a need for more, innovation would just stop. They don't even call cell phones "cell phones" anymore, they call them mobiles because that's what they are. Mobile devices
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+1
people are constantly saying how technology has made ungrateful and ruined lives. I don't see how wanting the most out of your phone can ruin your life. This is called evolution/progress. I'm glad we have cell phones and I'm glad technology is getting better and I hope one day I won't have to lift a finger to do many of the tedious tasks I do on a day to day basis.
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If we just stick to "need" when we live life, we'd be a very poor society. Much of the art and technology we have today have made it so far for want of innovation and pleasure. And yes, also for pure fun.
It's not excessive, it's creative, new, interesting and in this way, important. Especially since we came down from the trees...
DirkGently1 said:
Our biggest mistake was coming down from the trees in the first place. Everything since then is just compounded error. Too late to go back now!
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Yup. Now we are describing quantum physics with languages initially designed to tell the other monkey where the fruit was.
yeah, and let's just revert back to farming for every one right...
i'll use whatever tech i want, you can go be a luddite.
ballasdontcry said:
yeah, and let's just revert back to farming for every one right...
i'll use whatever tech i want, you can go be a luddite.
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Or use two tin cans and a string...
(somebody's sig, that is)
sakai4eva said:
Or use two tin cans and a string...
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That would be 1970's tech to the Amish.
By the way, anyone know what an Amish guy's arm up a horse's butt is? A mechanic.
sakai4eva said:
Yup. Now we are describing quantum physics with languages initially designed to tell the other monkey where the fruit was.
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Mind = blown! Genius post
I do often think the Amish and others of that ilk have the right idea. It may be luddism but as a society i bet they are generally happier than the rest of the world at large.
DirkGently1 said:
Mind = blown! Genius post
I do often think the Amish and others of that ilk have the right idea. It may be luddism but as a society i bet they are generally happier than the rest of the world at large.
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Sorry to tell you but technology is important. I always remember the economics of technology, where tech has the potential of drastically changing supply, demand or both.
It increases the quality of life, and frees us to do things that are more important, like putting funny captions on pictures of cats instead of adding up a few thousand lines of labour costs.
You read HHGTTG, there was one book where people used leaves as currency...
p/s: I stole that initial quote from Pratchett.
sakai4eva said:
Sorry to tell you but technology is important. I always remember the economics of technology, where tech has the potential of drastically changing supply, demand or both.
It increases the quality of life, and frees us to do things that are more important, like putting funny captions on pictures of cats instead of adding up a few thousand lines of labour costs.
You read HHGTTG, there was one book where people used leaves as currency...
p/s: I stole that initial quote from Pratchett.
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As i said earlier, it's too late to go back now. I disagree that technology improves lives though. More people die because of technology than are saved by it. You have to remember that as a race we have stopped evolving; instead our tools are evolving. Rather than changing to adapt to our environment we are trying to change our environment to adapt to us. This is not a good thing.
DirkGently1 said:
As i said earlier, it's too late to go back now. I disagree that technology improves lives though. More people die because of technology than are saved by it. You have to remember that as a race we have stopped evolving; instead our tools are evolving. Rather than changing to adapt to our environment we are trying to change our environment to adapt to us. This is not a good thing.
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Wow, I could berate you over that. But I won't. The reason I want to is because THAT is a main part of the conservative/religious ideal. It's ignorant because they believe they...embodied in their gray matter...have all understanding and knowledge of the universe and existence. Because of this, they push hardship and suffering on society as something good for us.
These pea-brained idiots never consider they do not know everything. They have a thought, and because *they* have that thought, it has to be correct and righteous. So therefor they proceed to prevent society from having peace and they thwart all technological progress as much they can and call it evil. They are the kind that believes only someone who is constantly suffering is a better person. And they do that to people.
They see one aspect of something and conclude that it leads to what they believe it should.
You'll have to pardon my intensity because here in America, that is exactly what happened to my life. My life was wiped out as though it was nothing to me by ideological/religious/conservative zealots. With an attitude of, "You'll thank me when you recover". The only problem is they had no clue how destructive their ideology was to me and it obliterated my life.
I'm a godless Atheist but this is not a religious discussion! I love technology but i admit that the cost far outweighs the benefits. The global gene pool is getting weaker by the day while we rape the planet that we rely on to survive.
Advancement is inevitable but so is entropy. Equilibrium will be returned but i guarantee it won't be in a way that's favourable to human life.
DirkGently1 said:
I'm a godless Atheist but this is not a religious discussion! I love technology but i admit that the cost far outweighs the benefits. The global gene pool is getting weaker by the day while we rape the planet that we rely on to survive.
Advancement is inevitable but so is entropy. Equilibrium will be returned but i guarantee it won't be in a way that's favourable to human life.
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Amen, I mean, I agree to that (zing!).
Truth is, I believe that technology helped me a lot. I mean, Microsoft Excel is a million times better than an A3 piece of paper and a calculator.
But certain techs makes us dumber, and not smarter. We don't use it to expand ourselves and our capabilities, but to limit ourselves and reduce innovation and creativity.
Case in point; iPhone.
**sniff sniff** smells like..... religious overtones.... wafting through the air....
(What I'm doing here.......... Your seing it??)
Marty, I'm looking in your direction......
conantroutman said:
**sniff sniff** smells like..... religious overtones.... wafting through the air....
(What I'm doing here.......... Your seing it??)
Marty, I'm looking in your direction......
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Lol. Would be like missing John Cleese goose stepping through dining room...
Religion is OK just don't mention the war!!!
Sent from my GT-P1000
nobleskill said:
Lol. Would be like missing John Cleese goose stepping through dining room...
Religion is OK just don't mention the war!!!
Sent from my GT-P1000
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What war? The one where they killed everyone for staying in some place long ago, or the one where they kill everyone else for being someone else?
Wait, I got that mixed up, didn't I, it was the one where they killed people for being different, right?
p/s: religion talk is never ok, especially when it gets slightly out of hand. Note the understatement
Ok folks, I don't frequently ask for advice in matters of the heart or personal stuff. Typically I confine myself to the realm of IT and phones. But awhile back when I was still whacked out over my Ex, I hurt someone I cared for greatly. It's been tough making things work out but I decided to lay everything on the line and I am mailing the following letter to her in hopes of things working out. Any input especially from the fairer sex (if there be any here :laugh would be appreciated. Any thoughts folks?
Redacted
,
There’s a great deal of things I would like to say to you. Many would most likely just be a rehash of things I have said before. I don’t believe though that anything I ever say from this moment on would be sufficient to change the way things are right now. I know I have tried time and time again to express my sincere regret for my actions. I did something terrible to you. It wasn’t getting you sick, it wasn’t making you feel used, and it wasn’t being a real jerk to you. It was turning my back on you. I walked away when I should have stayed and stood by you. I truly regret my actions and if I could, I would take them back and do things differently. I would have stayed by your side. I would have shown you that I was a good man and that I truly do care for you.
I’ve said this before and I do mean it, I have always felt something for you. Ever since we were children a part of me has been in love with you. Not just because I think you are beautiful, but because of who you are. I’ve always loved the way you carried yourself, the way you moved, the way you sat, everything. It wasn’t until we were adults that I realized behind the beauty and grace was a mind that was as wonderful as the rest of you. You are an amazing woman whom anyone would be lucky to have in their life.
When I changed my status and you messaged me, we talked and ended up admitting truths. When you accepted my offer for a date, I was elated. How often does the woman of your dreams, the one you’ve had a crush on your entire life, the one you always imagined asking out, actually pay attention to you and says yes to a date with you? When we went out, I thought I was over the past and I was wrong. I didn’t mean to hurt you the way I did.
The worst thing for me is being alone. Not necessarily being alone, but being alone in my thoughts. When I’m alone, I have nothing to distract me from my thoughts. I’ve had time to evaluate my actions, my decisions, and my life. I see a great many mistakes I have made in my life. Many of them I cringe at knowing I did or said those things. I look back at turning my back on you and I want to just berate myself and kick myself over and over again for what I did. I was a fool for doing that. You deserved better than my actions and I have no excuse for what I did. Regardless of my mindset or my thoughts at the time, you deserved someone who would be there especially when he caused it. I wasn’t.
Since then, I have wanted nothing more than to make it up to you. To show you I am the man you deserve. I’ve wanted nothing more than to deserve you. I know I’ve made a royal mess of my life due to my actions and have damaged yours as well. You were doing great and while you may have wanted more in life and would have eventually attained that goal, I set you back. I don’t know how far and I hope it’s not nearly as far as I believe it to be. I believe you deserve the best in life. I believe we all do. I don’t know if I am what’s best for you, but I know that for me, settling for anyone other than you would be a grave mistake on my part. I would be a true fool to not try and show you I am a good man and I deserve a second chance.
I’ve tried calling you a fair amount lately, as well as texting you. You haven’t answered my phone calls and lately haven’t answered a single text. I can’t say I blame you for not talking to me all things considered. I’ve been terrible to you and haven’t been the person you need in your life. I want to be that man but I don’t know if you can ever let go of the past and the distrust. I don’t know if you can ever truly trust me again. That in itself is a shame as I am a good man and would be willing to do just about anything to ensure your well being and your happiness. Once committed to something, I am determined to see it through. Perhaps you think I should be committed for being this way, but it’s who I am. It takes something major to change my mind about things. I think you know that by now.
I know that between not working and with the medical issues you’ve mentioned that you might be unsure of things. I know that you’ve said you don’t believe I can make decisions that take you into consideration. I want you to know that even knowing that you have problems medically, that if things are as bad as you fear, that you may not be around for as long as you would like to be, I am still here and I won’t walk away just because things are difficult again. I did once and I learned a valuable lesson from doing so. I learned what was worth fighting for and what wasn’t. I want to be there for you. I want to show you the support you deserve and be there for you when you want and need me. I already am even though you may not want me to be.
You agreed with me once that if I had not been a fool and been the man a woman like you deserves, we both may have been happy together right now. Despite all the bad, we would have been together and together we would have worked towards something great.
There’s a saying, one that I agree with, “Nothing good in life is ever easy.” I believe that the best things in life are worth fighting for. I believe that you are worth it. That despite where I may stand in your eyes or in your heart, I believe trying is the right thing to do. I may be wrong but without your input, I don’t know to stop.
I am not asking you to jump into anything with me. I would like for you to, but I can wait a bit for that. What I am asking is that we start over and that you let me prove to you that I am worth a second chance. I want to prove to you that I am the man you deserve, one that will always be there for you. I’d like to pick up things where we left off, but I don’t believe that’s an option anymore. I’m willing to start anywhere you think we should just so that one day I can rebuild the trust I shattered and one day we can have a relationship that puts others to shame.
I want to be more to you than a bad decision easily forgotten. I believe I deserve better than that and I believe that I can be the absolute best choice you’ve ever made.
You once said that I should focus on rebuilding my life. You said that I should fix my life before trying to start a relationship with you. I am working towards that every day. I have good and bad days but overall, things are moving in the right direction. I believe though that when I am not working or able to work towards my goals, the free time I have so to speak, that those times are when I should work on rebuilding your trust and our friendship, that those times should be spent with you.
I am going to rebuild my life better than before. I want that life to include you, to be there for you and you for me. I would like for us to be together for as long as we have on this earth. I would ask for the next life too, but I don’t want to seem too eager or greedy. I know things don’t always work out as planned and that all of this may be wishful thinking, but I truly believe that we were in each other’s paths again after so long a time apart for a reason. I do not believe though that our paths should diverge just yet. I believe that there is more for us here and that we should pursue it. I hope that deep down you feel the same way. I hope that somewhere deep inside is the desire to see things work out and for us to have a chance together even after everything that I caused.
I’ve made mistakes in my life before. I’ve made a great many of them, but none as great or none I regret more than hurting you and breaking your trust. I want you to know I will spend the rest of my life and do anything I have to in order to earn back your trust and friendship, to earn back the look in your eyes when you looked into mine, the right to hold your hand in mine again, to hold you close and say the things that matter in life.
I want to try again. I want to be the man for you. Will you let me be that man?
Sincerely,
Darrell
You sound like a young man. Take some advice from a 33 yr old that has walked many paths and who has loved and lost. As cliche as it sounds, its true, if its ment to be, it will happen. Explaining to her how you hurt and and how much you love her will not make her comeback. The heart wants what it wants. I know the pain at time seems unbearable at times and the obsesive thoughts seem to never to stop, but in time, the pain starts to recede, the thoughts slowly die down. Concentrate on yourself for now, stay away from alcohol, and live one day at a time. In time, you will find that special someone, and she will be nothing but a memory.
Man I hate to tell you but I hope the kids in OT don't have a hay day with this. It's a legitimate request. If things get to outta hand, hit me up with a PM. I've been down this road and it's not an easy one. If you want advice, shoot me a message. Best of luck to ya man!!
A toast from my Gnex aboard the Satisfaction!
Actually I'm 33. Big loveable guy at heart lol.
Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using xda premium
DarrellRaines said:
Actually I'm 33. Big loveable guy at heart lol.
Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using xda premium
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O rly!? :what: Me and you have lived very diffrent lives.
Sent from my SGH-T999 using Tapatalk 2
Some parts of it seemed long and repetitive.
I think you can cut it shorter but still say what you want to say.
If she hasn't replied your texts or returned your phone calls, a letter this long may be thrown out immediately.
Just my 2 cents.
Sent from my iPhone 5 using Tapatalk only because my kids are playing with the Note 2.
LoopDoGG79 said:
O rly!? :what: Me and you have lived very diffrent lives.
Sent from my SGH-T999 using Tapatalk 2
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I've been lucky. Up until recently I should say. I love freely and end up getting hurt a lot. We are the sum of our life experiences.
Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using xda premium
I immediately skipped to this line at the bottom
I want to try again. I want to be the man for you. Will you let me be that man?
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That's all I need to read to tell you that you need to move on. Sorry, but it's true. Just the fact that you're asking her if you can "be that man" just says a lot.
I believe I deserve better than that
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Prove it. Go out there and find somebody better. After all, you do deserve it.
Ooooohhhhhh k, now that I've re-read it, I gotta take back what I said. Dude, you can't put yourself out there like that. You might as well be the weird stalker guy that watches her go to the grocery store. You gotta move on man. Swallow what little bit of pride you have and keep on going.
A wise man once told me, the only way to get over one girl is to get under another.
A toast from my Gnex aboard the Satisfaction!
'I am not asking you to jump into anything with me. I would like for you to, but I can wait a bit for that.'
you shouldn't write 'i can wait a bit'...
it sounds like 'yeah if you don't get laid by me next week, i'll search for another one'...
just write 'i can wait'
PS: good luck to you man!
Okay, I'm writing this in Notepad as I read what you wrote.
First paragraph, I'd trim this down. A lot of it is shooting yourself in the foot is going on here if your goal in this is to try to win her back.
"I turned my back on you. I walked away when I should have stayed and stood by you. I truly regret my actions. I wish I'd had the sense to stay by your side - I wish I could have been a better man."
Second paragraph, I'd cut this entirely, at least this early on.
Third paragraph : "You deserved better". You could attach this to the first at this point. A lot of this feels like a guilt trip for her when you're claiming you've hurt her. Don't tell her why YOU are needy and need her - why should she care (even if she does) ?
Fourth paragraph, same as second. This feels kind of random and unnecessary at this point.
Fifth paragraph. Okay. I don't know the situation, so that makes this really hard. But I wouldn't say in your letter that you DESERVE a second chance. Don't put this on her like she somehow needs to do you a favour. " I know I’ve made a royal mess of my life due to my actions and have damaged yours as well. You were doing great and while you may have wanted more in life and would have eventually attained that goal, I set you back. I don’t know how far, but I hope you're still able to attain all you wanted*" (*I don't know the situation, so I don't know how much she can expect ?) Tell her how you can HELP her attain whatever it is you set her back from, even if you can't directly.
Sixth paragraph. This whole letter is really vague so far - have you edited it for the internet ? If not, I'd be more specific. "I don't know if you can ever trust me again, that I understand". She knows she's been ignoring you - you don't have to tell HER that.
Seventh. "I wish I had been good enough to not have to hurt you in the process of learning what was worth living and fighting for". Somethingn like that.
Eight. You've basically said this before. Stop dwelling on it - it happened. What can you do to at least tell her in words that you're comitted to making a CHANGE ? What would you do in the FUTURE with her if you got back together at this point ? What would you do for HER ?
Nine. "Starting over" is not what you want. If you started over, well, you'd end up in the same place, right ? You need to express that you've learned and that that is always with you - that you're not going to mentally "start over".
Ten. Okay, what progress HAVE you made ? Can you tell her about THAT ? What can you do to make progress with her ? What would you like to do if you were to start "slow" ?
Eleven and Tweleve. I'm not going to comment on these, specifically.
Okay, so.
If I was reading this, I would feel you're too focused on NEEDING her and it's a lot of words, words, words - but no action. It's all talk and not much substance to actually mean something to someone who's been hurt. Address what you did. Address what you would DO. Address HOW you've changed, what you're doing. Let her know specifics about what you're doing to improve your life and yourself. Let her know HOW you can help her, what are you willing to do ? How can you support her ?
I'm not here to comment on if this is the right thing to do or if you need to move on. Maybe you do - I don't know. I don't know you or the situation. I'm just reading this, trying to think about if I'd been sent it.
I'm reading a whole lot of "I WANT you in MY life" - but no really good reasons why she should want to be in yours. Why should she ? ... SHOULD she ? If it really would be good for her, why ? Don't tell her that she needs to "fight" for this with you - if she's the one who's been hurt, why should she have to struggle any more ? Show her that you've changed and advanced enough that it wouldn't need to be something difficult.
Don't take this too personally. I don't know you, I don't know her - I don't know what happened. I can't tell you the best 'advice' possible without that.
Beware rebounds. If you haven't fixed your **** before trying to move on, you'll invariably **** up again and probably make the same sort of mistakes - or hey, maybe even all new ones. Figure your **** out - it's what this girl you're writing to wants to see - and it's what any girl who isn't going to be another couple broken hearts is going to want to see. It's old, but it's true - you can't expect to find someone to fully love and commit to you if you're not even fully what you want from yourself.
I tried. :good:
^ Great suggestions.
To OP, I read the whole thing. Twice. You're truly expressing yourself, but you don't need to keep reminding her what happened. She KNOWS what happened. And I would even say she dwells on it. So saying stuff like 'I turned my back on you" wouldn't really help. Being self critical is fine, but I found it to be slightly overkill.
And, in the whole letter, I kept searching for the world "sorry". You haven't said sorry even once. You NEED to tell her your sorry. She NEEDS to know that. You need to actually apologize to her instead of saying that you are unworthy.
If you really think she's the one, go pursue her, and don't let up.
I'm much younger than you, but I hope my advice helps.
Best of luck, mate.
So I read your letter and I can see that you're very troubled with the situation. A lot of people here have given you great advice, I'd really consider not shooting yourself in the foot like the person above stated.
My main concern is the letter seems more about you feeling bad and wanting to make things right rather than actually apologize and let the chips fall where they may, again like the person above stated.
My two cents, take out at least half of your "I"s . Don't beat yourself up especially in a letter to her as that won't inspire confidence in you as a man. Straight up, be a man; apologize for whatever happened, tell her what you feel, and then give her space. Sucks but other than that you'll suffocate her.
Hope all goes well man.
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